what is this world really about,

and so today i asked myself what it is i really want out of life and only one word proceeded to echo in my mind.

ticking like a clock i could hear it get louder and louder every time i said it to myself,


everything i could ever have that would make me happy, well i want to have.

every thing i could imagine possible to own of luxury similar to my desires, well i would like to own it.

every thing i could feel immense amounts of passion and love about, well i would like to feel that.

every thing i could touch while sensing nothing but satisfaction, well i would like touch.

i want every thing that is anything i can want out of this life just like everybody else does. and you’re lying to yourself if you say you don’t.

i am convinced that we are reborn over and over into this world, and merely have no recollection of the past life we once lived through, therefore we believe this is our one and only chance at attaining what ever we could want to be. if you ask me, that’s an insanely motivational way to live and whoever created that idea is fucking brilliant.

perhaps we are all chemically fixed by someone/something granduer to think that way. in other words we are programmed to fight our way through life against one another in order to survive within this competitive world. cavewomen and men probably didn’t care about anything other than surviving and fucking. yet i wonder if they were curious about life after life itself. i wonder if this belief on “the meaning of life,” is some evolutionary chemical that has since slowly developed in our minds as we become more advance as a species. if you think about it, tipically when you speak to an old person, you’ll notice that their choice of conversation is mellowed out to surfaced topics. they focus a lot on story telling, history- the past.

within the past two decades the progression of technology and social media has probably shocked our brains into a new field of thought processing, which is why i don’t think anyone understands why or how we feel or react to being alive as individuals. news from last month becomes old news, when before it was like major events from merely a few years ago didn’t feel that long ago. honestly, we’re being controlled by little devices that we deliberately carry around and shove in our faces. it’s a petit device that holds not only incalculable amounts of information that we are blatantly given, but also holds complete control of our minds. why would the government give us this resource of unlimited information regarding every single topic one could ever search into. literally with the click of a button… or a few.

not a single psychological text book can explain to me what the impact of all this tremendously advanced technology has on our generation- on me. that’s probably why we all keep to ourselves and have become more independent thinkers than any generation before us. or is that true, i don’t know i’m just saying it aloud. on the contrary though, as independent thinkers we somehow subdue ourselves to become sheep amongst a herd through social media and allow ourselves to be defined by large cliques by how we physically look and how we believe the world should be. maybe we need these groups to feel like we belong, or maybe we are given a handful of options to choose from and must pick one to be in so we don’t think outside of the box. actually i take some of that back. there’s always been the independent thinkers since forever, but the topics of interest have only changed with course of time. from music, art, engineering inventions and literature, to technology and outer space.

i am so positive that when we die we are only reborn into another life and given another shot at attempting to win up until the sun swallows our planet, and by then… well hopefully by then we will have migrated to mars and other planets too.

there are immeasurable dimensions somewhere out there with endless situations being played out much like the one we are living in.

yeah yeah there is no proof, but theories are exciting nonetheless. as we grow with knowledge we become prone to anxiety and adversity, but there is an increasing resilience in facing difficulties.

i want everything that i could ever be in this current life i have, cuz i know when i’m gone i’ll come back again with a new mind, unless of course by the time i’m dead someone has taken my mind and uploaded it into a new source of life.

i want every thing a woman could feel involving being loved- to be loved. to be so loved in a world that is a spinning cycle of misfortunes, chaos, but beauty regardless. as a romantic is it too much to want someone to want only me in a world of  7.53 billion people and soon to be robots. is it wrong of me want things out of a life i know not yet the purpose of. or does any of this thinking, writing, whatever-ing… even matter?

just a thought. 



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